


Love and Honour

by Smart_heart



Category: Hilda (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Knight/princess au, watch me have no idea of what I’m doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:42:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26893882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smart_heart/pseuds/Smart_heart
Summary: All her life, Johanna had dreamed about serving the royal family as their guard. Now, as she finally reaches her goal, she finds renewed admiration for the Princess Regent, and the feelings might not be as one sided as she imagined...
Relationships: Johanna | Hilda's Mum/The Librarian (Hilda)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this fic comes from a lovely song from Celtic Woman. It’s instrumental, so if you’d like to play it as background music while you read this, that would work really well! Those are the ~vibes~ I want for this fic  
> Also, no I don’t know how a medieval castle or society worked, but I know there was sexism and homophobia so I just decided to throw any realism out of the window. Guess I just made up a little system, I hope it makes sense but the focus is on the sapphic pining anyway so...

The golden dusk sunbeams were reflected by the royal palace’s walls, in a way the Johanna had to squint in order to look at it as their wagon approached it. After years of intense training at the Sparrow Fortress, their group was finally ready to begin their duty as soldiers for the Princess Regent. Alongside her in the wagon were only the strongest and most skilled of them. Most soldiers would be sent to villages all around the kingdom to protect them, but this group, these people who stared slack jawed at the imposing castle, were the ones who had earned the duty of the palace’s guards, even if some of them would continue in their path to become warriors. Johanna’s heart sped up the closer they got to the castle. Her dream was finally coming true.

The wagon that was carrying the soldiers crossed the gates that led to the palace, followed shortly by a smaller wagon that brought whichever possessions they had. In the most recent years, it was said that those gates were always open. The Princess made a point of it, insisting that they mustn’t cut themselves off from their people.

There were a few people waiting for the soldiers in the courtyard, among them a woman that gave off a strong air of confidence. She stood up straight, even under the weight of the armor she was wearing, her kind face framed by short, already grey hair.

“Welcome, new soldiers!” She said when they were all standing side by side in front of her, like the older soldier that had been guiding the wagon instructed them. “It is an honour to meet all of you. I am Lady Ravena, the head of the royal knights. Surely, you have all been well prepared at the fortress to attend to your duty and know what to expect already. That being said, we’ll leave the delegating of tasks for tomorrow morning, and now these gentlemen will guide you to your new rooms. After you are settled, I invite you all for a feast at the grand dining hall, courtesy of Her Highness! The admirable Princess Regent is anxious to talk to you.”

The courtyard broke into murmurs at the idea that they would meet Princess Maven on their first day at the castle. At least, that’s what Johanna imagined they were saying, as she couldn’t imagine anything more mention worthy than the opportunity to be close to the wisest woman in all the kingdom. Since the moment her father had become too tired and sick to rule and she had taken on his duties, the kingdom had been swarmed by tales of her, resulting from the peace and prosperity they had found under her rule. To serve her would be an honor; to meet her, a gift.

When each soldier had picked their luggage, the servants led them inside the castle. Perhaps to cause an impression on them, the path they made to the soldiers’s quarters passed through the entrance hall, the ballroom, and the throne room. It was easy to imagine them filled with noblemen, alight with celebration, but even with no special event happening the palace buzzed with activity. 

As they followed the servants through the corridors, Johanna paid attention to the other soldiers she saw. They were all older than her, and had serious, focused expressions. Some of them opened a smile at group of new arrivals, but most didn’t.

When they arrived at the palace’s wing dedicated to the soldiers, there was a robust man waiting for them by the door.

“So this is the new blood you’ve got for me, eh Lady Ravena?”

“They look promising, don’t they Erik?” Ravena chuckled, coming to the front of the group. She’d been walking behind them the whole time. “Soldiers, this is knight Erik Ahlberg. He’ll be responsible for watching you and making sure you do your jobs.”

“I suppose you’re thinking it’s not an heroic duty, that of mine.” He said with his booming voice, completely unprompted. “But I am only in this position because after I valiantly gave all of me to defend this kingdom, I was no longer able to fight like I did when I was young. And so I was granted with this function of-“

“Your tale is fascinating, Lord Ahlberg, and I’m sure the soldiers would like to hear it sometime. However we need to hurry now! They need to settle in quick, we’d hate to leave Her Highness waiting.”

Erik was crestfallen at Ravena’s callout, but Johanna tried to hide a smile. Something about the man seemed too exhibicionist for him to be at such a solemn position, and the head of the knights seemed to think so too, judging by the way she clearly had to contain herself from rolling her eyes even though her voice was calm.

“Ah, yes. Of course.”

He opened the door and they were led to a spacious common room, with a crackling fire at the hearth. Erik explained that to their right, the door lead to the area where they would be able to train, while to their left a series of corridors branched, and that’s where they would be living. The higher up you were in the ranks, the better off you were, but seeing as they had just arrived all of their rooms would be shared. They were then sent off to find a room that had a free bed and settle down there, advised that if a room’s door was closed, then it was already full.

The rooms closest to the common and training area were all already filled to their maximum capacity, and Johanna had to walk for a while before she found one that had the door open. When she did, she peeked inside and realized that there were two beds, parallel to one another and one of them occupied. The woman sitting on the corner bed had dirty blond hair and, Johanna realized, an eye patch. Figuring that she must be one of the warriors that already had enough experience to be drafted when conflict struck and that she should be as respectful as possible with her, Johanna tried to come in quietly. It was no use.

“Don’t bring anyone here.” The woman said without lifting her gaze from the parchment she was reading. “Don’t arrive here late or drunk, or I’ll lock you out. And don’t try to make small talk. This way we won’t have problems. Got it?”

Johanna nodded and stuttered in agreement. It was a very cold welcoming, but she was determined not to let that put her down. The woman was probably tired after a long day working. 

Putting her bag on her bed, she began to store her possessions in the wooden chest by the foot of the bed. This was the first day of the rest of her life, and no grumpy warrior would dim the light of success she felt shining in her heart.

_#_#_#_

It was soon clear why the soldier had been adamant about telling Johanna not to come back to the quarters drunk. There certainly was an abundant flow of mead and wine in the grand dining hall that night.

The new guards barely filled a whole table, but the hall was bursting with soldiers. While a part of the army lived in the Sparrow Fortress, the part made of the warriors that were still training and the higher ranks, including the knights who usually came from noble families, remained at the palace during times of peace. There were also many other guards like Johanna, whose sworn duty was not to attack any enemies of the kingdom, but to protect its residents. She was reasonably sure that every single guard in the capitol was there.

A wooden platform had been built on top of the stone floor, and judging by how the table her group had been directed to was the closest to it, Johanna assumed that was where the princes would be for her speech. With that in mind, she picked the seat that would allow her the best view, and stood up straighter when the musicians suddenly stopped playing. Ravena climbed into the platform, calling for the attention of all in the hall.

Johanna could swear she felt the princess’s presence before she even saw her, even though logically she knew it was probably because Lady Ravena announced her presence and the sensation was caused by anticipation. But in her heart, she _had_ felt when the princess entered the hall. The air seemed to become lighter, more fragrant, like she’d suddenly been transported to a meadow of lavender under a clear night sky.

Gracefully, the princess climbed the short steps to the platform, looking as if it didn’t bother her in the least that every eye in the room was locked on her. She was wearing a dark blue satin dress, with silver lace trim and flower patterns. On her head, she wore a veil that matched her dress, and was held in place by her tiara. No matter how many diamonds there were on her crown, Johanna found that her eyes shone much brighter.

“Good evening, soldiers.” She greeted gently. Her voice was heavily accented, even more than that of the other people from the capitol that Johanna had met, her consonants a little too strong. It was absolutely charming. “It’s my pleasure to be in your presence tonight. As you all know, today we were graced with a new group soldiers who are here to continue on their path. Whether your stay at this castle is brief, and you’ll soon return to the Sparrow Fortress to join our army, or you came to join the ranks of our royal guards, I’d like to welcome you to our palace, I can not thank you enough. You are noble and brave people, and without you this kingdom would fall into ruin. The sacrifices you each made to be here have not gone unnoticed, and in the name of all my people, I thank you for your service.”

She spoke to the general audience even though her words were directed at the newer group, looking at the back of the hall while she talked and occasionally fixing her gaze somewhere else. She successfully made all of them feel like they were being honoured, showing that she very clearly had been prepared to know how to speak before a crowd. But for a second, while there was a pause for them to take her words in, the princess’s gaze fell on Johanna, who noticed it immediately. Her face felt hotter at having someone of her station notice her, and though she tried to school her features into looking calm, she was sure her eyes had widened. It felt like her serene eyes could stare right into her soul, like she knew exactly what was going on inside her mind. And then, before continuing, the princess smiled, a delicate lift of the right corner of her lip. Involuntarily, Johanna returned it, though it must have looked more like awed gaping than a smile.

The speech continued after that, touching yet concise and straight to the point. She seemed to value getting her message across over dragging her speech for as long as she could. The group’s anxieties were softened by her welcoming, and their spirits were lifted. Listening to the Princess Regent reminded them of why they had chosen to dedicate their lives to protecting this land.

She was soon done, and Ravena thanked her with a curtsy. The music and chatter returned as soon as she was down from the platform, and she was escorted out of the hall by two guards who were on duty in that moment. 

The night continued on, but Johanna’s mind was kept trapped inside the moment when their eyes met and everything that hadn’t been right in the world clicked into place.

_#_#_#_

_She had insisted that no reward was necessary. After all, Johanna had done nothing but her duty, and any other soldier in her place would have done the same. The princess, however, wouldn’t hear a word of it, claiming that the woman who saved her from that ferocious dragon should have her courage recognized._

_And thus she found herself standing at the doors of the throne room, the Princess Regent herself waiting for her inside. She walked the length of the room with her head held high, and kneeled before the princess. As she felt the clank of a metal sword touch her shoulder softly, she forced herself not to look up. It was only when the princess called her name that she got to her feet._

_“My brave savior, in admiration of your feats, I declare you a knight.”_

_“Thank you, Your Highness.” She said, taking in how the princess looked in that moment. Her face looked happy and calm, and she wasn’t wearing a veil. That was weird. She couldn’t remember ever having seen her without a veil on. Everyone always said that this was one of the princess’s quirks, always wearing a piece of cloth over her hair at all times. What colour was her hair again? Black. Her bangs were raven dark, and so was her hair. Yes, that was right. As the princess said nothing more, Johanna continued._

_“I am at your service if there’s anything else at all that I may do for you.”_

_The princess nodded._

_“There is another honor you might give me.”_

_The princess stepped forward into the new knight’s arms, and leaned her face closer and closer…_

Until Johanna woke up, alone and completely disoriented from waking up in that place for the first time.

Her room wasn’t bright, but there was enough light coming from the window for her to know that the sun had already begun to rise. She looked to her right. The eyepatch warrior was still sound asleep. 

Sighing, she swung her legs to the side of the bed and put her feet on the ground, ignoring how cold the floor was. Knowing she wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep, she began the process of getting ready for the day, as silently as possible so as not to wake up the warrior.

It was hard to ignore her dream, but she tried to push it to the back edge of her mind. Admiring the princess was one thing, developing feelings for someone she’d only seen once, and was far above her station, was unbecoming of the noble person she tried to be.

Still being unsure of how everything worked in the castle, Johanna was cautious as she tip toed out of her room and walked through the corridors, finally finding the common room. It was completely silent except for the crackling of the flames in the fireplace, and empty save for one knight that had been sipping on tea and gazing at the sky’s colour gradually changing outside. She lifted her eyes to the newcomer when she noticed Johanna.

“You’re up early, I see.” Ravena said, with a touch of warmth to her voice. She must have known what it was to be scared on one’s first days at the palace. “How did you spend the night?”

“Very well, my lady. Thank you.”

She got up and walked closer, still holding her cup. “That’s good to know, you have an important day ahead of you. But there still is some time until Erik gives you all your tasks, so tell me, are you hungry?”

Coming to think of it, Johanna realized that she was. She’d been too excited the night before to eat much. A part of her told her that she shouldn’t say so, because maybe Ravena was trying to test her resilience, but her face seemed too open for that to be it.

“A little, yes.” She admitted. The kindness in Ravena’s face didn’t fade for a moment, and she simply nodded.

“I need to return this to the kitchens.” She lifted her cup to show what she was talking about. “Why don’t you accompany me? Breakfast won’t be served for some time, but they will think nothing of it for you to grab something to eat early.”

Johanna waved her hands in front of her in a negative gesture, her eyes wide. “There’s no need, My Lady. I’m sure you could ask one of the servants to do so, and I don’t want you to go all the way to the kitchens just to go along with me. I will wait.”

Looking amused with her, Ravena shook her head fondly. She’d heard promising things about Johanna’s skills from the knights who had been her superiors at the fortress, but she was coming to notice that the woman had a kind heart as well. 

“I don’t like to disturb the servants, if I’m being honest. And the walk to the kitchens is no big circuit, you’ll see. No need to be embarrassed, Johanna, I’m here to help you.”

She walked to the door of the common room and held it open for the younger guard to go through first. Johanna thanked her politely, and then fell into step beside her as they left the soldiers’s wing behind.

“If it’s alright to ask, my lady, how do you know my name?” Johanna questioned as they walked along the corridor. The palace showed every sign of being the center of a prosper kingdom. Servants ran around even this early in the morning, lanterns lighting up every corner that the sun still didn’t, and beautiful tapestries gave it all a blast of colour. The scene became even more impressive when it was taken into consideration that that area of the castle was dedicated mostly to servants.

“I just realized that it must feel weird for a stranger to know your name.” Ravena chuckled. “I receive reports from the knights responsible for the training of new soldiers, including the progress of the recruits. They would talk about you often.”

Not knowing how to react, Johanna uttered a nervous “oh” and pretended to be distracted observing the corridors and memorizing the way to the kitchens. She hoped very hard that the reports Ravena had received had been favorable to her, but since the knight didn’t elaborate, Johanna wasn’t sure.

At least she didn’t look like someone who had just delivered a criticism. They both fell into comfortable silence that was only broken when they were greeted by servants, that were usually gone too hurriedly for them to do anything more than nod in acknowledgement.

It wasn’t long before they heard heavy footsteps coming their way, walking down the stairs that spiraled down a smaller tower, hidden by a wooden door from any passerbys. The door was swung open by a tall man in full armor, and behind him two other guards also followed. They weren’t dressed like other guards they’d seen on their way, or that Johanna had noticed the day before. Their armor seemed more well kept and sturdier, and unlike most soldiers, these had capes and wore helms. A deep purple and just big enough to be eye catching but not to present any trouble should they need to fight, the capes had the royal coat of arms embroidered on them. It was a small detail, but the thread that had been used for the golden part of the emblem was shiny enough for it to be noticeable.

The trio greeted knight Ravena and then continued on their way. Johanna had to force herself not to look over her shoulder to catch one more glimpse of those imposing figures.

“Who were they?” She asked, certain that those had been no ordinary guards.

“They are part of the Princess Regent’s guard, you see. They’re the ones responsible for keeping her safe at all times. These three just came out of their night shift, the guards that take morning duty had left just a few minutes before you showed up.”

Johanna blinked. No one had ever told them that there was a division in the guard specific for the princess, though that might have been easy to guess. She was struck by the mental image of herself, wearing that exuberant armor and standing guard on the princess’s door, making sure no harm came to her in important events, being the first to take action should any danger befall her…

Maybe her dream hadn’t been so far-fetched and unbecoming after all.

“That sounds like a very solemn duty.” Johanna commented, trying not to sound too eager. She had barely just arrived there, it would do her well not to forget her place. “How does one become a member of her guard?”

“Oh, it’s no easy task. The King handpicks the best soldiers to protect his daughter. He can’t rule anymore, but he likes to make sure princess Maven is being taken proper care of.”

Johanna grimaced, aware that impressing the king was nothing short of an Herculean task, and was about to look away to try and pretend she had only been curious about it when Ravena put a hand on her shoulder.

“But don’t let that discourage you if you think this is the path you want for yourself.” She tried to comfort the guard with a gentle tone. Lying to her and saying the way to the higher ranks of the military was simple would do her no good, but discouraging her was the last thing Ravena had in mind, especially since she had a feeling the Princess herself would be interested in having someone like Johanna in her personal guard. “It wouldn’t be easy, and it would take some time to get there, but it’s definitely not impossible.”

Smiling at Ravena for a moment, Johanna tried to keep that spirit on her mind. Really, it was more than fair that only the most skilled soldiers could protect the Princess Regent, and she thought she wouldn’t quite feel at ease if she knew anyone less than perfectly ready was keeping their princess safe. Johanna didn’t know if Ravena’s advice had been supposed to be taken as her blessing for her to pursue a place as the princess’s guard, but that’s how she decided to take it.

“Have _you_ ever been in her guard?” Johanna asked, genuinely curious for a moment, before she realized how rude the question could come across. Upon doing so, she gasped and brought her hands to her heart.

“Forgive me, I hadn’t meant to be insulting!”

“It’s quite alright.” Ravena chuckled. “I _was_ offered a place in the princess’s guard, but I never took it. Didn’t seem like a very interesting job for me.”

“Why?” Johanna frowned as she tried and failed to imagine a better job in that whole palace than to defend the pedestal of the kingdom itself, not to mention how much of a fascinating person she was. 

It looked as if the woman lost herself in a memory for a second as she stared straight up ahead, a glimmer of something Johanna didn’t understand on her eyes before she answered.

“My dear, I’d try to protect the princess no more than I’d gift a poet with a rhyme.”

_#_#_#_

Ravena had been right, the kitchen staff had had no problem with giving her food early, especially since there were kitchen servants still having breakfast themselves. The two soldiers sat down with them and Johanna helped herself to the simple yet rich foot that they had spread out. The knight stayed with her, both to make small talk to one of the cooks, a grumpy little man who she seemed to have a good rapport with, and to help Johanna on her way back to the common room since it was highly unlikely for her to already have the path memorized.

When they did go back, they could hear Erik’s strong voice even behind the closed doors. The group that had arrived with Johanna the day before was standing in front of the knight, and a few other soldiers were lying around the common room, either returning from night duty or getting ready for their morning one.

“There you are! We were waiting for you to begin.” Erik said, not exactly kindly, to Johanna.

“It’s okay, she was with me.” Ravena assured him, making him pause for a second, trying to make it not seem like he had been about to chasten her.

“In that case, we can proceed.” He gestured for Johanna to stand near her peers. “The two of you will patrol the ground floor, in the North wing. The night shift, mind you. There is currently only three guards in that area during that time, they’ll explain you the details better. In the meantime, get rest, you’ll need it. You! I heard your strength is archery. Right after breakfast you go to the citadel, your job will be protecting the wall and warning if there’s anything suspicious in sight. Once again, the guards who work there will be able to answer any doubts.”

One by one, he told them their duties, explaining to those of them who had come to the palace for a period of training before becoming warriors that they would have to help around the castle, with tasks such as aiding the blacksmith with weapons and helping at the stables before a knight took interest in mentoring them. While that didn’t happen, they were advised to train as a way to both get a knight’s attention and to keep their skills sharp. This one counsel was extended to the guards, as he said it wasn’t just because they already had their jobs that they could stop training.

“Are there any doubts that can’t wait?” He asked when he was done, looking awfully bored with that whole ordeal.

“I have one, sir.” Johanna spoke out as politely as possible, and Erik looked at her like he had forgotten she was there. “I didn’t receive a duty.”

“Oh. Yes, Lady Ravena told me she had something in mind for you.”

Upon hearing her name, Ravena excused herself from the conversation she’d begun having with another knight to turn to her. 

“Yes, I do! Lord Alfur requested an increase in his protection, something about a family feud over a real state contract… since your performance at the Fortress was so outstanding, I thought we could trust you with this duty.”

“Ha! What hogwash. That family feud is not going to cause anything, anyway. Lord Alfur sure is a funny man.”

Ignoring Lord Erik’s comment, Johanna grinned and curtsied to Ravena in thanks. She could hear other soldiers whispering about that duty being given to a newcomer guard, because hogwash or not Lord Alfur was an important person in the palace. The man was the private tutor of the Princess Regent’s protégée. It was a bright beginning if she wished to join her guard, eventually, and an accomplishment in its own. She couldn’t wait to write home about it.

“If everybody knows what to do, let’s leave. Breakfast should be served at the great hall any time now and I’m sure you are all very busy.” Erik said as he left the common room himself, being followed by a number of soldiers. Ravena said her goodbyes as she also walked off to attend to her duties elsewhere in the castle.

Everyone left, leaving Johanna all but alone in the common room. Guarding Lord Alfur certainly was promising, but she thought of what Ravena had told her. If she wanted to ever be a part of the princess’s guard, she had to be the best, and she couldn’t settle down just because she’d had luck on her first day. And if she was to be the best, she figured there was no better moment to begin.

So she walked to the right side of the soldier’s wing, where there was a staircase, leading to the individual quarters of the knights and higher ranked guards and warriors, and two doors. One of them was locked, and the other lead to the outside.

The air was still cool, the sun’s warmth not having settled in yet. The sight in front of her was that of an open field until the fortress that surrounded the palace erupted from the ground. She could hear the sound of horses somewhere to her left, meaning the stables couldn’t be very far, but that particular area outside the soldiers’s wing had to be reserved to training, for there were no servants passing by even as the castle began to wake up.

There was another door right by the one she’d come through. It had to lead into the same room that had been locked, but she tried anyway, and this time it opened. It was a dark ambient with little air, the scent of metal and leather very strong. Clearly it was where they stored their weaponry. The light that came in through the door allowed her to take a good look, and she realized that they had less weapons than the Fortress had had, but they were all high quality.

They did look like training weaponry, however. There were fake staffs and swords made of wood, and arrows with no cutting points. Figuring that if these were the weapons used in battle and if the soldiers were not allowed to use them for other purposes, then the door would be locked, Johanna grabbed one of the staffs and closed the door again.

The staff wasn’t a very popular weapon on their land. That fighting technique had been brought by foreign warriors and only few knew how to use it, but Johanna had fond memories with it. Having grown up in a rural village, it was easier to find staff-looking objects than a sword. Her mother had caught her spinning a broom many times, pretending to fight invisible enemies.

She found a deserted area, in front of another tower that she wasn’t sure whether it belonged to the soldiers’s wing or to another, and began warming up. First just spinning the staff and thrusting it forward, getting used to its weight in her hands. Then, she moved on to more complex tricks, whirling backspins and lunging kicks. She wasn’t sure if it was the heat, but it suddenly felt like she was being watched. It wasn’t unpleasant at all, but it was weird. There was no one near her, as far as she could tell, but she still felt the weight of someone’s gaze on her head, and it made her determined to do her best, in a calm and concentrated sort of way. Like she had something she wanted to prove to the invisible gaze.

The feeling was gone after a few minutes, curiously at the same time that she _did_ notice someone watching her. However, she was sure that if someone had been looking at her before, it wasn’t the same person as now. Being near Erik Ahlberg didn’t bring her peace at all.

“What are you doing?” He said, coming from the same way she had, minutes before. He must have just gotten out of the breakfast hall and gone out to train as well. That conclusion couldn’t be right, though, because the man was carrying no weapon, but Johanna was in no position to ask him what his plans were.

“Training, sir. My duty only begins at noon.”

“Training! Ha!” The thought seemed to amuse him for whatever reason, and he brought one hand to his belly as he chuckled. “It’s your first morning in this palace, what brings you to be ‘training’?”

Frowning, Johanna tried to think of an answer. As her superior, she had imagined that knight Erik would encourage training, not frown upon it. And did there really need to be a reason for one to practice their skills?

Erik noticed her confusion, but taking it for artfulness he smirked at her. 

“Come on now, don’t be shy. People don’t do more effort than absolutely necessary unless they want something. So what is it you want?”

Not entirely comfortable with the situation, Johanna shifted her weight between her feet. The way he worded it made it sound like something bad, but she would be doing her best even if she wasn’t seeking to rise in the ranks, wouldn’t she? Her path had been chosen because she loved it, becoming the best soldier she could was not just some show of slyness.

“I hope to be skilled enough to one day join the Princess Regent’s guard.” She admitted, monitoring her voice so it wouldn’t sound like a confession. It was nothing to be ashamed of.

Her answer made him laugh even more, and he bent over with his deep chuckles. Johanna just stood there, unsure what part of it was so hilarious but certain that this was not good for her.

“You want to join the Princess’s guard?! You, who only just got here, already having delusions of grandeur? Child, do you know the kind of soldier that joins her guard?”

“The best kind, I was told.” Already feeling her spirit being drained, she struggled not to stutter.

“The best _of the best_. Knights, highborn warriors who were trained for this duty ever since they were children. A little guard like you has no chance, trust me.”

He looked _pleased_ about delivering her bad news, and it made Johanna certain that he was not the kind of person she wanted to associate herself with. Still, he was a knight while she was just a guard, and she owed him her respect.

“Surely, if one works hard enough-“

“Yeah, save the inspirational garbage.” He cut her off, crossing his arms smugly. “You don’t need to believe me. Take a walk around, look at other soldiers training. You’ll see just how high up one can be and _still_ not make it into the higher ranks. Maybe then you’ll learn a little humility.”

With his head held high, he walked past her to continue on his way to wherever it was he was going. Johanna took a deep breath and got in position for a corkscrew slam, and even though she was aware it was wrong, she knew exactly which form her next imaginary fiend would take.

_#_#_#_

Johanna returned to soldiers’s wing that night considerably less optimistic than she’d left. And it wasn’t because of her legs being sore from standing up for hours, or because of disappointment at the guard who shared that shif with her for all but pretending she wasn’t there the whole day. Those were things she expected and knew about when she chose that path. Rather, Johanna was upset because she had a growing feeling that Lord Ahlberg had been right.

When she had arrived at the door of Lord Alfur’s office to switch places with the guards that had been at his service during the morning, the noble had already been inside, waiting for his pupil so he could restart their lessons. Johanna didn’t get to see the princess’s protégée, but few minutes after she took her place at his door she heard muffled voices coming from the inside, and that’s how she had known the girl had arrived.

She didn’t remain there for long. After two or three hours, the room became silent again, and soon Lord Alfur himself opened the door.

“I wish to go to the library.” He informed. “Would the two of you be so kind as to accompany me?”

The lord was a slim man on the tall side. His hair was so blond it looked white at times, and though he was skittish and peculiar, anyone who spent some time with him could tell he was a person filled with knowledge. 

“I heard that the king is going to choose a new member for the Princess Regent’s guard very soon. Do you know anything about that?” He asked as they began walking to the castle’s library.

The casual comment caused Johanna gasp discreetly, turning her head to the lord even though she knew it wasn’t proper to do so. He noticed her with the corner of his eye, but if he was offended, he didn’t say anything.

“I find that unlikely, my lord.” The knight that had been working with her answered, speaking for the first time that afternoon. “There aren’t any soldiers in the castle skilled enough to be trusted with this job. None that haven’t already been in her Highness’s guard, at least.”

“Oh! You’re probably right. I should pay less mind to the servants’s gossip.”

The guard’s answer threw Johanna back. During the morning she’d seen all sorts of soldiers training by the field, each more impressive than the last, and yet they didn’t have what was needed for that job? With time and effort, she knew she could match the abilities of those soldiers she’d seen, but being better than them? To keep her hopes up sounded like deluding herself.

As soon as she was in her room, she removed her armour, sighing as the weight of the metal was lifted off of her body. There were two stands in her room, and she put her armour in one of them. The other was empty; the eyepatch warrior still hadn’t arrived from her duty.

After making sure that the armour was in its proper place, she threw herself on her bed, feeling drained not only physically but emotionally as well. This shouldn't matter so much to her, but somewhy it did.

She didn’t remain in her room for long. Soon the air felt too stale and heavy in there, and she changed the clothing she’d been wearing under the armour for a red cotton dress, warm and soft enough to be comfortable yet proper for a stroll in the palace, not much unlike the dresses the servants wore. She considered for a moment taking a piece of parchment and coal with her to sketch something, but parchment wasn’t cheap and she knew her mind wouldn’t be in it. It would be better for her to wait for a moment when she would be able to dedicate herself properly if she wanted to make a drawing.

Bare handed, Johanna left her room and walked to the outside of the castle through the door in the common room once again. The sun had already set, so even though there was no wind it was cold, but not enough for it to be a bother. She walked left this time, in the direction where the stables were, looking for nothing in particular. Her only hopes were that she’d find somewhere peaceful to hide from her thoughts.

Her thoughts were soon turned elsewhere, however. She stopped on her tracks with surprise when she noticed a garden just ahead of her. There were bushes of roses, violets and marigolds, all extremely well kept and colourful even in the dark. It didn’t go for very long or had many decorations, which made her certain that this was an area focused towards the servants rather than the royal family. It was just big enough to surround the stone bench at its center.

Johanna settled down there, hugging her knees into her chest and looking up at the stars. They weren’t as bright as they had been in the fortress, the light coming from the castle and the capitol that was just beside it blocking some of their shine. It didn’t stop her from finding them gorgeous and trying to remember the constellation names that her mother had taught her when she was a child.

Looking up as she was, it took a while before she noticed she wasn’t alone. There was a girl watching her from the rose bushes, still a kid and wearing simple clothes, her pants and boots tainted by dirt. Probably the daughter of someone who worked at the castle.

“Good night, young miss.” Johanna greeted, trying and failing to keep the weariness out of her voice. 

“Oh, you don’t look like you’re having a good night at all.” The girl pointed out, walking closer. “Forgive the intrusion madam, but why do you look so miserable?”

Johanna chuckled mirthlessly, bringing her gaze down to the violets near her left. “It’s nothing to be worried about, rest assured.”

When she looked at the girl again, she was stricken by the absurd impression that her hair was blue. She squinted, and the more she looked the more her mind told her that the young servant’s hair was cyan, a shade close to the morning sky. It was gone when she blinked, and her hair returned to the light shade of brown she had seen at first.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but I truly have nothing better to do. Go on, I wouldn’t want to know there’s a sad person in this castle that has no one to talk to.”

_She’s a funny little girl_ , Johanna thought, feeling herself smile despite her low mood. She supposed it would do her some good to share her worries with another person, and what harm could it bring? She had done nothing wrong, there would be no consequences if her wish to join the princess’s guard became gossip among the servants.

“It’s my first day at the castle, you know?” The girl sat down beside her when she began speaking, looking up at her with an encouraging expression. “I arrived yesterday with the new batch of soldiers. I always wanted to be a guard at this castle, but when I heard the Princess speaking… she just made a big impression on me, I suppose. So when I learned that there is a specific division of guards to serve her, it sounded like the perfect job. But today… today made me realize that this is impossible for someone like me. The soldiers who get chosen for this duty are so many levels beyond me. Mostly they are highborns who were trained to protect the royal family since _ever_. I’m just a farm girl, you see. But I’ll be fine, I already have the job I always wanted, I just shouldn’t have gotten my expectations so high.”

“Sounds like an awful lot of trouble to go through just to protect the princess. How do you even know she’s as interesting as you think she is? Appearances can be very deceiving.”

“It’s not just appearances!” Johanna protested. “I’ve admired the princess since she rose to her father’s throne. It’s not only about how she looked or spoke. I remember when the eastern regions had a crisis with their plantings, she was able to solve it and maximize their production in barely no time at all! In every village arts and research have been encouraged where before our rulers hadn’t cared about them at all, and believe me when I say the results have been extraordinary. Not to mention her compassion. One time my great aunt told me she’d never seen as little hunger in our village as now, all because of how Her Highness pays attention even to those who can’t cater for themselves.”

For some reason, the girl looked pleased, and even impressed with her answer. She hadn’t been accusing the princess, Johanna realized. She had only wanted to hear how she would defend her.

“Well… if you’re such an admirer, you’ll probably like to know the princess is going on a diplomatic mission in two weeks. She was invited to mediate the making of a treaty between Cirillan and Freith, I believe, those two have been at the brink of a war for years now. The point is, she always takes at least one of the newer soldiers on these missions, in order to… see their skills for herself.”

“Truly?” Johanna lifted her eyebrows in surprise. It seemed way too lucky for that to be real, not to mention that the girl sounded quite well read for someone of her station.

“Truly! I’ll give you a tip, even. Most times, when a soldier gives her a-“ The girl was silent for a beat, but she hid it as a quick pause for air. “A token of their loyalty, she is more likely to pick them. I’d do that, if I were you.”

“Okay…” Johanna nodded slowly, wrapping her head around that information.

“Oh, and don’t tell anyone I said this. The, uh, token thing is supposed to be figured out by the soldiers themselves, and this mission she’ll be going on is completely secret, alright?”

“Wait!” She turned to the girl abruptly, not accusingly but still wary. “If it’s secret, how do you know about it?”

The girl shrugged. “She told me, of course.”

“Pardon me if I’m being rude young miss, but why would the Princess Regent tell you something like that? Do your parents or yourself work directly for her?”

The girl’s eyes widened, and her mouth formed a perfect circle. She chuckled as she looked down at her clothes, realizing what the guard must have taken her for, but then her laughter gained strength until she had to try and stop herself so as not to be impolite.

“Forgive me, I just realized I never introduced herself! She told me all that because I’m her ward.”

Though she was sitting down, Johanna nearly fell backwards on the floor, the information hitting her like a punch to her face. She remembered vividly the gossip that had spread through the fortress and the villages when the Princess Regent had taken a protégée. There were all sorts of theories as to why she had gone through the trouble of taking in a child, especially when she was so young and there was still much time for a match to be made and biological heirs to be produced. No answers had come, but people stopped questioning after some time. As long as they weren’t hungry, the people weren’t really interested in what Princess Maven did. All these memories came flying back to her as Johanna looked at the girl, slack jawed.

All this time, she had been talking to the future princess herself. 

“Lady Hilda!” She exclaimed, hastily dropping down on her knees in front of her. “Forgive me, my lady, I had no idea!”

“Hey, hey, it’s alright! You didn’t do anything wrong, and I’m the one who asked you why you were unhappy. No need to kneel down, either. I’ve always found this a little weird.”

Johanna stood up on her feet immediately after she said that, her heartbeat suddenly quick. A servant’s daughter could do nothing against her with that information. The princess’s ward, on the other hand, could ruin her life with a snap on her fingers. Her only relief was that the child didn’t seem at all malicious, and nothing she had said sounded like she was interested in sabotaging her.

“You… do still look like you’ve seen a ghost, you know. I assure you you have nothing to worry about! Maven won’t hear a word about all this, my lips are sealed.”

“R- really?” Johanna stuttered, feeling uneasy despite any assurances.

“Of course! I’ll keep your secret as long as you keep mine.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, two chapters in the same day because I feel like they should be read together but there’s too big of a theme shift for them to be the same chapter 😅  
> (And also the moment I’m posting this I already have like 90% of this fic ready so hey! There really isn’t a method here)

The glass was cold under her fingertips when she touched it, considering opening the window so she could have a better view of the field beneath the tower.

Everyone in the castle knew that it was in that tower where the princess spent most of her time, her office being in one of the tallest rooms in it, so people never lingered nearby. Because they were not comfortable about being where their ruler could see them so easily or because they didn’t want to block her view, Maven didn’t know. The fact was that at that very moment, there _was_ someone there.

Maven recognized her as the guard she’d noticed the night before, a part of the new group of soldiers who had just arrived at the palace, which explained why she wasn’t aware that that specific part of the courtyard wasn’t commonly used by anyone. The princess firmly believed that she hadn’t come to that place in an attempt to show off to her. That soldier didn’t strike her as the type to do so.

She was going through fighting formations and techniques, Maven realized. The princess watched with interest as she held her staff with both hands and upheld it on her left shoulder. Swiftly, she swung it, her whole body following the twist, until she finished in a wide stance, her upper body lowered to keep her balance and the staff being held behind her back. Then, she went back to standing up, taking a deep breath before she got into position again. The rays of morning sunshine lit up her hair, making it look like bronze at times. Maven was distracted by how pretty it looked on her, not paying attention to the stance the soldier had taken, with one tip of the staff pressed against the ground. Because of that, she gasped in surprise when the soldier jumped, supporting her weight on her staff and extending her left leg in a kick.

As she came to the ground again, she didn’t even waver or lose her balance in the least. The soldier was certainly very skilled, especially for someone so young. She couldn’t be much older than Maven herself, the princess thought.

Her attention was taken away from the training guard when she heard an amused giggle behind her back.

“Looks like the great Princess Regent is falling for someone.” Hilda teased her. Given that Maven hadn’t noticed her before, she assumed the girl had just arrived. Subtlety had never been her strong suit.

“Where would you get that idea from?”

Looking like she’d just gotten hold of precious information, her ward walked closer to look out of the window, not missing it when Maven tried to block her view.

“For starters, you’ve got _that_ look on.”

“I don’t have _a_ look.”

“Yes, you do.” She insisted even as the princess crossed her arms stubbornly. Maven could pretend all she liked, but Hilda knew well enough that she wasn’t angry, and most importantly, that’d there _was_ something going on. “It’s the same look you get when you look at a new book or a good poem. Besides, Ravena told me you sounded very curious about one of the new guards when she talked to you after their welcoming… did you at least get their name?”

The princess turned her face away from Hilda, slightly annoyed at Knight Ravena for having told this to her ward. She’d done nothing wrong, not really, but she really should have worded that differently when talking to her ward. Everybody knew that the girl had the tendency of letting her imagination get the best of her.

“I was interested in Johanna because she seemed eager to do right by her duty. That’s a precious quality to have in a soldier.”

“Aha!” Hilda exclaimed, looking like she’d gotten Maven to admit she was in love even though the princess had just informed her that her interest in the soldier didn’t go beyond how good of a guard she was. “So you did get a name!”

“Oh, honestly.” Maven groaned. “Hilda, shouldn't you be with your tutor right now? Lord Alfur must be waiting for you for your lessons.”

Hilda nodded. She’d just come into Maven’s office to wish her a good day before she began working, planning to run to class straight away, but the opportunity of pointing out that she looked on the brink of lovesickness had been too good to pass.

“Fine, but this discussion isn’t over!”

After running to Maven to give her a hug, Hilda hurried out of the room, leaving the princess shaking her head in exasperation and trying her best to ignore the twinge of truth to the girl’s words.

_#_#_#_

Save for when they sat down for their meals with the king and queen, the two of them didn’t see each other during the day. It wasn’t uncommon for that to happen. As the Princess Regent, her duty often filled her days with never ending yet crucial tasks, and that only made her cherish this moment even more.

She knocked before entering Hilda’s quarters, receiving a cheerful “come in” from the inside. The girl had already tucked herself into bed, and the room smelled like oranges and oak from her soap, which told her that Hilda had just come back from one of her strolls through the woods. She always liked to take a bath after doing so.

Once inside, she lifted her veil from her head and folded it over one of the arms of the coat hanger by the door. After spending the whole day wearing it, it felt good to take it out even if just for some moments, and she ran her fingers through her hair briefly.

“How has your day been, Hildie?” She asked gently, as she took her usual seat in the armchair by the side of her bed. Ever since she’d taken the girl in, when she was a small child and could barely speak yet, she’d made a point of keeping up with the little ritual of reading to her every night. In the beginning, the only purpose of it had been to form a bond between them strong enough that Maven didn’t have to worry about a plot to overthrow her when Hilda got older; she was a firm believer that every single ruler that got backstabbed by their successor could have prevented their fate simply by being a decent enough parental figure. But with time, their relationship came to mean more to her than she could have expected and that moment became one she looked forward to every day.

“Very good! What about yours?” She restricted herself to saying. In reality, she felt like laughing victoriously. That morning, she’d left Maven with the certainty that what she felt towards the new soldier was more than just some admiration. All that had been left for her to do was find out how Johanna felt about the princess. With that in mind and having been told by Ravena that that one specific guard would be assigned to Alfur, she’d asked her teacher to casually mention an opening in the princess’s guard and watch her reaction. He hadn’t been very comfortable with the idea of telling a lie, but after some insistence he budged.

Hilda hadn’t even needed to wait for her next meeting with him to get a hint of how Johanna felt. Instead, she’d had the luck of being able to all but get a love confession from her. There had been no doubt left that there were feelings on both sides, even if Maven did hide them better, and Hilda thought she’d done quite a good job of coming up with a plan on the spot. Granted, it was reckless to divulge secret information around, but she didn’t think the guard would spread anything about the mission around. It wasn’t like she had anything to win from it.

“Oh, it was interesting.” Maven told her. Truth be told, she’d spent the day feeling distracted because of her conversation with Hilda in the morning. It would be ridiculous to claim to be growing feelings for someone she had never even properly met, but she had accepted that there was a reason why her ward’s comments had stuck with her. There was nothing wrong with admiring someone’s attitude and beauty, she thought when she allowed herself to admit that she _did_ admire the soldier.

They shared some more words on how their days had gone. What Maven had done for the kingdom, what Hilda had learned from Lord Alfur, and whatever else they wanted to share, until they eventually came to the reason Maven visited her every night.

“Very well.” She said, opening the book she’d brought along with her on her lap. “Today I wanted to tell you the tale of the pink river dolphin. It comes from a land in the south, I’ve always found it very interesting. How does that sound?”

“Lovely!”

At her consent, Maven began reading her the story. It was short, but enough to make the girl’s imagination run wild. No matter how many tales she heard, she thought she’d always be amazed at the magic they had.

“Goodnight, then.” Maven sighed after finishing, getting up from the armchair. “Good dreams and don’t let the faeries whisk you away.”

“Wait!”

The princess lifted her eyebrows as she stopped on her tracks to give Hilda her full attention. Usually at the end of the story she was sleepy enough to not say anything else to her.

“I’m curious… you haven’t yet picked the guards to come with you on your way to Freith, have you?”

After years living with Hilda, Maven had gotten used to all sorts of weird questions, but this was still unusual enough to catch her unprepared.

“No, I have not. Why?”

“Nothing!” She answered way too quick for it to be a truth. “I just think you should have some time to reflect well on your decision, is all.”

She squinted at the girl, whose only reply was to try and make her own face as angelic and innocent as possible.

“Alright, if you won’t tell me what you’re planning I’m sure I’ll figure out soon enough.”

After grabbing her veil from the coat hanger again, she was gone to her own room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I offer the Johanna stans some pining happy Johanna in these trying times?  
> If you don’t know what I’m talking about, the season 2 intro just came out and... well...  
> Yeah

The palace’s library was, in Johanna’s opinion, the most impressive thing in it. Not only because of its luxuriously decorated three floors, or due to the unimaginable amount of knowledge it stored in its ceiling-high shelves, but because of one of the changes the Princess Regent herself had imposed on the inner workings of the castle: though the upper floor was reserved for the royal family and the few other nobles in court, the rest of the library was open for anyone who’d like to come. So not only was it a comfortable, silent place, it was also a reminder of why Johanna nurtured such admiration for her princess, being the perfect place to work on her token of loyalty.

Her room allowed in a lot of clarity, she realized that morning as she woke up at about the same time she had the day before because of the thin sum rays that streamed into her room. It became clear to her that she’d make better use of her time going to sleep early and making the most out of her mornings, since she clearly wouldn’t be able to sleep past sunrise. 

After waking up, she had taken three silver coins from where she’d hidden her money in the bottom of her chest, dressed up and headed to the capitol. The buildings of the city began surrounding her not five minutes of walking after she’d crossed the castle’s walls, ans she quickly noticed how lively a place it was. Having grown up in a small time, she was distracted by all the people and colours all around her, but she couldn’t get sidetracked. Knowing she’d have time to explore the city later, she asked the closest vendor about where she could find a spinner. She’d revealed that though there were many spinners in the capitol, one of them had a stand nearby and would be able to sell her what she needed.

Johanna thanked her politely after receiving the directions to his stand, and was quickly able to find it. The spinner was a gentle man, probably in his late forties and very skilled. He sold her spools colourful threads which she needed for what she had in mind, and also a piece of white cloth. It was folded carefully and stored on her satchel alongside the spools.

When she returned to the castle, breakfast had already been served, and after it she decided to spend some time at the archery field. Precision had never been her strong suit, so it was one of the abilities she practiced the most. By the time she was satisfied with how much she’d trained, it was already late morning and in few hours she’d need to take her post protecting Lord Alfur.

That was the time she chose to dedicate to making her gift to the princess. Settling down on one of the tables in the library, she began sketching the royal coat of arms in the cloth she’d bought with a piece of coal, gently enough that she could erase it if she made any mistakes. She’d had no idea of what she could give to the princess herself that she already didn’t have, and came to the simple conclusion that she couldn’t. With that in mind, all that had been left for her to do was put some effort into the crafting of her token, so that at least the time she had spent on it could serve as a worthy gift. It couldn’t be anything personal, of course. She was afraid that anything of that nature could be considered as an offense. With those restrictions, embroidering her coat of arms on a handkerchief had been the only thing Johanna had been able to think of.

Luckily, the spot she was sitting on had the coat of arms hanging from the wall right in front of it, so even though she was very familiar with the symbol, she could look at it anytime she wished to check a detail. Every once in a while she lifted her eyes from her work to gaze at it, and she was paying such attention to the task at hand that she didn’t even take her attention from it when she felt a familiar presence in the library.

The sound of steps coming closer reached her ears, but since she payed it no mind, she nearly fell back in her chair when she raised her gaze to the emblem again only to find the princess herself standing in front of her.

“How interesting.”

“Your Highness!” Hastily, Johanna made a bow, as best as she could while sitting down. She was about to get up in order to give the princess a proper cursty when she noticed that she had raised her palm in front of herself, an indication that she had noticed the soldiers’s intention and that getting up wasn’t needed.

“May I sit here?”

Johanna inhaled sharply, and her elbow accidentally hit her embroidery hoop, making it falll from the edge of the table. As she quickly tried to reach down to grab it, her needle also fell, and she was sure she was blushing in embarrassment at that point. To make matters worse, Johanna remembered the very real possibility that Lady Hilda had told the princess about her infatuation with her. In the split second in which all this happened and that it took for her to look at the princess again, she had worked herself into a fine state of panic.

“Of- of course!”

An eyebrow lifted, Maven tilted her head to the side. When she’d walked inside the library looking to take a couple of short minutes to herself and noticed the same guard that had caught her attention sitting on one of her favorite reading spots, she’d thought it would be a great chance to spend some time in her presence. But apparently she had been wrong; the woman didn’t look at all at ease.

“You don’t have to accept just because of my title. Do I make you uncomfortable?”

“No, Your Highness! Not at all.” Johanna was quick to assure, hoping the princess wouldn’t guess that the problem was that she made her a little too comfortable. But it did strike her as very kind that the princess truly sounded like she wouldn’t be offended if Johanna told her she did make her uncomfortable.

Being assured that she was welcome, Maven pulled herself the chair directly in front of Johanna, resting one hand on top of the other on the table.

“May I ask, then, what is unsettling you?”

Johanna didn’t meet her eyes when the princess spoke to her, both because she wasn’t sure if she was allowed and because she doubted her own ability to do so without blushing even harder. Instead, she kept her gaze focused near her face, on her veil. It was silver that day, matching her dress, which was grey with details in blue and silver. She knew she shouldn’t say anything, should deny being unsettled, but she had a strong sensation that it wouldn’t work. Once again, she felt the same way she had that night in the great hall, like the princess could stare into her very soul. It made her certain that denying would be useless.

“You shouldn’t be talking to me, Highness.” She admitted softly, lowering her eyes to the handkerchief she’d been sketching on.

“Why not?” Maven asked. She’d seen people react this way to her and her parents many times before, and she was not about to let the same thing happen with Johanna. “I’m the princess, shouldn’t I be able to talk to whoever I please?”

“I don’t mean to limit you, Highness! I’m just a guard, s- surely you have better use for your time.”

Sighing, Maven forced herself not to let her shoulders slump, keeping her air of gracefulness at all times.

“You left your family the moment you became an adult in order to enlist, faced a harsh trainment for years, worked hard to earn the title of royal guard, and yet I shouldn’t be speaking to you because you weren’t high born like some knights? I, who never did anything to get to the position I’m in?” She asked, seeing Johanna's eyes widen with shock. Even when she didn’t see eye to eye with them, which was not the case at that moment, she always did her best to be kind to soldiers; they had done so much more for the kingdom than they had to, and still they felt subordinate to her. Though she did have the impression that this one particular guard felt like Maven was even higher above her than the other ones did. 

“Highness!”

Another sound cut through Johanna’s gasp of bafflement, that of a door opening. They both looked at the library’s door as a short woman with tanned skin and grey hair peeked in.

“Your Highness.” The princess’s advisor said with a controlled voice and a serious face. Johanna couldn’t imagine that woman ever showing any strong emotions. “The representative of the traders’s organization is waiting to speak to you.”

“Is five minutes of peace asking for too much?” Maven whispered under her breath, hoping neither of them had heard it. “I’ll be with them in a minute, Lady Hallgrim. Thank you.”

After a small nod the advisor left the room, leaving them alone again. The princess didn’t make a move to get up, however, turning her face to the guard again.

“Will you tell me what you’re embroidering?”

Johanna blinked, caught by surprise.

“The royal coat of arms, Your Highness.”

“Oh!” Maven looked down to catch a glimpse of her work materials, indeed recognizing the shape on the cloth. “And why would that be?”

Wondering if she should take back the question, the princess watched Johanna’s face redden furiously. She looked around as if searching for somewhere to hide, even as she answered.

“I was hoping you’d accept it.” Johanna uttered nervously, surprised when she managed to get through the sentence without stuttering. This was likely to be the most crucial moment on the decision of whether or not she’d be chosen to serve her. Or worse, Johanna thought, if she’d be allowed to be there at all. If the princess was offended, she was sure she could be sent all the way back to the Sparrow Fortress.

“As a symbol of my dedication to you.”

That time, it was Maven who had surprise written on her face. For a moment, she was rendered speechless by the simple declaration, which struck Johanna as infinitely odd. She’d never seen the princess caught unprepared before.

The princess blinked away her momentary shock, opening an elegant smile.

“Are you trying to bribe me?”

When a moment before she’d been looking into the princess’s face, amazed by the effect her clumsy words seemed to have had on her, now Johanna looked away, completely embarrassed. It hit her, then, that that was the truth, in a way, and she couldn’t just answer ‘yes, I’m crafting this in hopes you’ll pick me to accompany you’.

Maven frowned upon noticing the guard’s unease and landed a soft touch on her hand, which had been on top of the cloth.

“I was kidding, Miss Johanna. I am sure you are a righteous woman. It’s very touching to know you meant to gift this to me.” She softened her already velvety tone, trying to make it clear she had no low opinion of her

Glancing up at her, Johanna suddenly looked more relieved than uncomfortable. It took the princess aback for a moment, seeing how adorable the guard looked like that.

“So you’ll accept my offer?”

“Of course I will.” She did her best to keep her smile from going from graceful to eager as she got up from her chair. “But if this is not taking advantage of your good will… instead of making our coat of arms, why don’t you embroider me something you’re fond of?”

When Johanna looked pleased with the request instead of offended, the princess stood up taller, proud at herself for making such a skittish person less nervous. The idea of receiving a symbol of something the guard liked pleased her a lot. The emblem was something she saw all the time, but something that told her more about Johanna, however, would be a precious piece of someone she wished to know better.

For her part, Johanna finally took an easy breath in. It wasn’t like she’d already won her place in the mission, but at least she had a hint of what the princess would like for her token.

“It will be my pleasure.” Johanna stated, finally feeling a bit more like the brave soldier she was supposed to be and less like a teenager with her first love.

“Great to know. Forgive me now, but unfortunately I have to go.”

The princess began to walk away, and involuntary Johanna extended her hand towards her.

“Wait!” She exclaimed, and then all the embarrassing she had been feeling came back when she realized she’d asked the Princess Regent herself to stop. But Maven had already turned her head back to the soldier, looking curious if anything, so there was no taking it back. “When you arrived you said- you said that something was interesting, I believe. Pardon me, Highness, but I don’t think I understood.”

Maven smiled, as elegantly as ever. Johanna had not a clue of how she did that, but it felt like she could subdue a whole army just by giving them that knowing, small smile.

“Generally people who follow your career path have no mind for more delicate works like embroidery. I just meant it’s interesting to see a person doing both.”

“Oh!” Johanna uttered and glanced down at her hands. She’d been holding her needle and hoop during the conversation. Keeping her fingers on something stopped her from fidgeting. “Well, I’ve always found the crafts fascinating.”

Her mother was a seamstress, and some of her skills had been passed down to Johanna when she was a child and still hadn’t chosen to be a soldier. She’d also taken an interest in drawing since a young age, to the point where she was quite good at it for someone who only did it for fun.

The princess lifted her eyebrows, smiling a bit wider despite not having meant to.

“Hard-working _and_ talented, then. Impressive.”

Walking away, Maven didn’t get to hear Johanna gasp at the compliment. The soldier stared into the door well after the princess had disappeared behind it, doubting that she’d heard it correctly.

When she managed to shake away her bafflement and return to thinking normally, she told herself it was stupid to have gotten so flustered at an offhand remark. Everybody said Princess Maven was kind, and she wouldn’t have acted any differently with Johanna. Determined not to let that encounter get to her head, she did her most to go about her day as usual, even if she did suspect she’d worn a lovesick smile all the way through it.

It was only later, when she was already in bed and half asleep, that her mind jolted her completely awake while she was in the middle of replaying their conversation in her head.

The princess had known her name.

_#_#_#_

It took her finishing her embroidery for her to realize that she didn’t know how to give it to princess Maven. It took a couple of days longer than a week for it to be done, and during all that time she hadn’t caught a glimpse of their ruler. Obviously, that was to be expected, since it was no small task to run a whole kingdom, but it did present a problem when it came to delivering her token.

She’d seen no one else preparing a similar gift for her, so she hadn’t wanted to ask anyone about how she was supposed to do it, since Lady Hilda had told her that the soldiers were supposed to figure that out alone.

She’d found the answer to her dilemma in Lady Hilda herself. Working for the girl’s tutor, she’d had many encounters with her since that night in the gardens, and each time she’d looked less scary in Johanna’s eyes. Little by little, the guard came to realize that regardless of her title, Hilda was just a kid, and a very sweet one at that. She always greeted her and the soldier who worked with her, and even started conversations with them while most nobles didn’t even give them a passing nod.

With the plan concrete in her mind, she’d taken her embroidery with herself to her duty, keeping it hidden beneath her armor during the afternoon. When the lady stepped out of Lord Alfur’s office, her lessons done for that day, Johanna requested a second of her time. Intrigued, Hilda complied happily. For a moment, Johanna once again had the impression that the girl’s hair was blue, but she pressed her lids together and managed to blink it away, rubbing it off as a consequence of not having eaten that well at lunch. Though she had to admit that seeing colours wrong was a very peculiar symptom for lack of energy.

“I… I have my token. Would you be able to deliver it for me?” Johanna asked rather embarrassedly, but the girl looked nothing if not excited.

“Definitely!”

As she picked the handkerchief with the embroidery from where she’d stored it, under her breast plate, Hilda watched with intense interest. After her plans for the token changed, she’d had some trouble deciding what to do instead. The idea came the morning after she’d spoken to the princess, when she was in the common room with no one but Knight Ravena, who seemed to wake up with the birds, and was watching the sun rise outside the window. Memories of watching the dawn with awe ever since she was a little girl, in the village she’d grown up in, and later in the Sparrow Fortress came to her and she realized that that scenery would be perfect for her token.

She was able to use the colours of thread she’d bought even with the change of plans. The purple of the emblem’s background had become the sky; the golden yellow that would be used for a crown, the sun; the green from the ivy that surrounded the coat of arms had been turned into sunflower stems, and the black she’d thought about using to do the royal family’s motto became the sunflower’s middle. Johanna had even found some old buttery yellow thread among her things, and used it to make details in the sky and the petals.

“Wow, it’s gorgeous!” Hilda beamed. “I’m sure she’ll love it.”

It wasn't the same as being told so by the princess herself, but it still made Johanna quite flattered that Lady Hilda had liked her work. And as the girl walked away, she left Johanna hoping that Hilda knew Maven well enough to have been right about her loving it.

Usually, Hilda would go ride a horse or play with the servants’s children after the end of her lessons, but once a week Maven’s council gathered so they could all discuss the actions that had been taken and what needed to be done for the kingdom, and Hilda was required to be present. That meant that she’d go straightaway to Maven’s study and wait for her to finish whatever she was doing so they could go to the meeting together, and for once she was happy about that. She couldn’t wait to see Maven’s face when she received Johanna’s token.

After knocking and being allowed in, Hilda stepped gingerly into the princess’s office, holding the handkerchief close to her chest in a way that Maven wouldn’t be able to see it, a smile of anticipation on her face. The princess was on her desk, writing something.

“We’ll go in a second, I just need to finish this.” She informed, her back hunched over her writing. Maven’s posture was usually perfect, but somewhy when she wrote her shoulders always bent forward.

“Oh, no need to rush.” Hilda stepped closer, trying not to look suspicious. “You know, I was wondering if you’ve already chosen the guards who will take you to Freith.”

“Of course I have, we part in only a few days.”

Maven gestured with the end of her quill to a piece of paper near the edge of the desk. Controlling her face to let only a small amount of curiosity show, Hilda reached out and grabbed it. It was a letter to Ravena, asking her to gather the soldiers that had been listed for that duty. As she reached the end of the list, Hilda grinned. Johanna’s name was there.

“Why are you so interested in it, anyway? Afraid for my safety?”

“Not at all. I just wanted to know whether or not your favorite guard had made it in.”

Though she was looking down at her work, the girl could see Maven blink and pretend to be focusing on the document she going through.

“I have no idea what you mean.”

“Really?” Hilda asked in a singsong voice. “Because she seems to have.”

Maven turned to her to see what she meant, a frown of annoyance on her face that disappeared when she noticed Hilda holding up a piece of cloth with colourful embroidery in it.

“A token of loyalty for her highness. She’s really outdone herself, huh?”

Picking up the handkerchief with stunment, the princess ran her fingertips through the embroidery gently, admiring the art and downright amazed with the soldier’s skill. Only to herself, she admired how flattering it felt to have that work put into something for her by someone she hardly even knew.

“Wait.” The realization that Hilda looked all too pleased with herself broke through her pleasant thoughts. “You knew about this.”

After taking a deep breath in, Hilda let her shoulders drop. As well as it had gone, she knew Maven would not approve of what she’d done.

“I might have told her about the diplomatic mission… and said that you were more likely to pick her to go with you if you gave her an offering.”

In few seconds the princess’s face switched from neutrality, to shock and realization to anger. Standing up, Maven turned to face her fully.

“You did what?!” Her voice was a low, disbelieving hiss. Maven never shouted when she was angry. “Hilda! What on earth possessed you to do this? There are people who want this war to happen, what if this information had fallen on their hands?”

“But it didn’t.” Hilda interrupted her. When Maven ignored it and simply continued speaking, she knew the princess was just nervous with the situation, not angry at her.

“And you know I only choose my guards based on their skill! Really, what kind of idea-“

“Yes, but I also knew you’d like to receive a gift from a pretty woman.”

Stopping her pacing to stare at her ward, the princess’s face was almost comical. She looked like she hated the girl for suggesting such a thing, and hated her even more for being right. As she sighed, she took her gaze to the ceiling.

“You shouldn’t have done that. Political conflicts aside, Johanna probably felt like she had to make this. Like she had to buy her way in.”

Hilda’s eyebrows were lifted as she thought about the way Johanna spoke about the princess, as if Maven was something so wonderful she had a hard time to even comprehend her existence.

“Trust me, she was very happy for the chance to get your attention.” She muttered under her breath.

“What?”

“Nothing!”

Maven rubbed the bridge of her nose, exasperated at how amused Hilda sounded.

“Why don’t you go outside to play in the stables, hm?” 

“Can I?”

“Yes, get out of my sight and stop causing mischief.”

“Yes!” Booming triumphantly, Hilda ran up to Maven and kissed her cheek. She knew really well that this was a reward rather than a punishment, even if Maven tried to mask it as such. Clearly, she wasn’t as mad at her protégée as she wanted to be.

The girl was gone in the blink of an eye, leaving the princess alone with her thoughts. She looked down at the embroidery again. Knowing that there was a reason for Johanna to have given her this took some of the wonder away from the gift, but at the same time she mused that it would have been a lot weirder if she had given her something out of the blue, even if Maven had found the intention cute either way. Regardless, the princess allowed herself to believe that her wish to serve as her guard on the next mission was born from more than just wanting to ascend in the ranks. 

It wasn’t fooling herself, she insisted. She had no expectations about a future with this soldier, so there was no way of her building false hopes of something she didn’t hope for to begin with. But it wasn’t too far fetched, she thought, to imagine that Johanna had _some_ feelings towards her. After all, she was just coming to learn just how deep admiration for someone could run.

_#_#_#_

Knight Ravena had been calling people to speak privately to all day long, setting everyone in the soldiers’s wing on edge, even other knights. When Johanna left for her duty, four soldiers had already been called, among them warriors, guards, and even knights, with no predictable pattern. Already having been on edge due to having sent her token to the princess, the anxiety of not knowing why those people were being summoned made Johanna more anxious than she could have predicted.

To her utter dismay, as soon as she arrived back at the common room that night, tired and ready to throw herself in a tub, the knight called her aside. Ravena did ask her if she could talk, but it wasn’t like Johanna could decline. She was then taken up the stairs for the first time, and once they were in the second floor of the soldiers’s wing, Ravena took her through another spiraling staircase, up this wing’s only tower. Right in the middle of it, there was a door which the knight opened and entered, allowing Johanna inside as well.

“Sorry for the secrecy.” She began, heading for the desk near one of the stone walls. The room wasn’t heavily decorated, but it had a fireplace, a ceramic raven with jewels on its eyes on the mantel. Near it, there was a small painting, half covered by a piece of black cloth. In the visible part, Johanna recognized a younger Ravena looking longingly at whatever was beside her.

“But I needed to wait until we were here to talk to you. This is a matter of utmost secrecy, Miss Johanna.”

On the wall directly opposite to the door, there was a simplified map of the kingdom and its surroundings, which Johanna noticed Ravena was looking at. Already feeling slightly more at ease knowing that Ravena wouldn’t have brought her all the way to her personal office if she’d meant to fire her for doing an insufficient job, or even hang her for daring to give the Princess Regent a gift, Johanna stepped closer.

“Are you familiar with the kingdoms of Cirillan and Freith?” The knight asked her, making the breath catch on her throat as she remembered the most recent occasion in which she’d heard about those kingdoms, followed by a widening of her eyes when Johanna realized there could only be one reason why Ravena was making her this question.

“I am, my lady.”

“For years now the region has been a gunpowder barrel of political tension. One tiny spark could start a full scale war. Finally, the leaders have agreed to sign a treaty to put an end to pending issues. As you know, our princess is well respected across these lands, and she is recognized as a great negotiator. She was invited to be the mediator during the making of this treaty.”

Ravena made a pause so Johanna could take this information in. Already having known all of that, however, Johanna struggled to contain her excitement, praying to whatever deity would listen that she wasn’t mistaken about what would happen.

“The document will be elaborated and signed in the kingdom of Freith, so obviously Her Highness will need to take the journey there. Usually, only her personal guards protect her while she is traveling, but this time the matter is more complicated. Not only is the trip longer, allowing for more opportunities for bandits to attack, but also there are separatist groups in Cirillan who’d do all for a war to strike their kingdoms, so the central government would be weakened and they could fight for their own freedom. If these groups gain the knowledge that the Princess Regent is to aid in the diplomacy, they’d put all their efforts in stoping her from arriving. That being so, the princess and I have decided to take more soldiers for her security, and she does have a habit of picking younger soldiers every once and a while to see for herself how the younger generations of guards and warriors are coming up. This time, you were among her choices. I take it you have nothing against taking this duty?”

“No, my lady, I do not!”

“Very well, then. You and the other soldiers will receive further instructions soon. Be ready to depart in three days.”

_#_#_#_

Ravena considered going to her room after Johanna left, retiring early for once, but there was still someone she had promised to see. She found the girl playing by the gardens, trying to trap fireflies into glass jars only to let them go minutes after, when she was done admiring their beauty and thought they had become sad at being contained.

“You were right.” Ravena said when she approached a tall apple tree, upon the branches of which Lady Hilda was sitting, her jar at hand. “Johanna did look thrilled.”

“Told you! Do you think they’ll finally get the hint? You know, with being together for a longer period of time and all.”

Ravena chuckled fondly at the lady’s bluntness. The girl really didn’t beat around the bush.

“I hope so.”

“Me too. I caught Maven writing _poetry_ these days, can you believe it?” Hilda let out the fireflies she had trapped, watching them fly away with a sigh. “Is that why you recommended Johanna, because you’re also tired of this? I know Maven went to you to help pick the soldiers.”

“Not at all.” Ravena shook her head as she declined. “I recommended Johanna because she’s been doing an astoundingly good job for someone so young.”

“Huh.” Hilda breathed. “That’s nice.”

There were moments of silence before the girl’s voice came again, smaller.

“Do you think they _should_ get the hint?”

Thinking the question through, the knight lifted her eyes to the starry night above them. She doubted anyone who was close to either the princess or the new guard had yet to discover they were growing feelings towards one another, but Hilda’s question was a pertinent one. Not everything that sounded like a dream couldn’t turn out like nightmare. Ravena knew that all too well.

“I do think so.” Ravena answered at last. “They’re both honourable women who put their duty above themselves, and this is crucial. But something I also admire in both of them is that they know very well how to love, and yet it seems like there isn’t enough of it in their lives. It… sounds like it could work. They would face hardships, but all lovers do, I suppose. And whatever they face, they have the things they need the most. Love and honour. The rest will come with time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maven and Johanna: *singing I won’t say I’m in love in opposite parts of the castle*
> 
> Hilda and Ravena, like right by their side: every damn night-
> 
> Anyway, if you want visual aid for the embroidery, it would look something like this:  
> https://pin.it/6YDJ4Xk  
> Simpler, of course, because poor Johanna has a tough job to manage as well, but you get the idea


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the first half of this fic Johanna has her hair up in a ponytail, so please do this humble writer a favor and imagine her with an undercut underneath it

Johanna was woken up even earlier than usual on the morning of the departure. When she felt a hand touching her shoulder and opened her eyes to see one of the members of the princess’s guard who was also coming on the mission, not even the birds had started singing outside yet. She dressed in a hurry, putting on the armour she used everyday and looping the strap of her satchel across her shoulder. 

The soldiers that had been picked were gathered on the stables, and Johanna joined them. Ravena had been going over the instructions once more when she arrived, and the carriage had been parked near them so the equerriers could harness the horses to it. The princess’s luggage was already stored in it, and now some servants tied more weapons to the top of it as well. Each soldier had their sword with them, but since it was impossible to know what they would face, Knight Ravena herself had asked them to take the extra weaponry.

“Alright, no time for you to stop for a snack.” Grumbled Erik, who began handing them small bundles. When one of the other soldiers opened his, they saw that there was food inside, bread, an apple and a piece of cheese. “We need you to be alert but you are no use to the princess if you faint.”

Too filled with both anxiety and excitement to eat, Johanna stored her bundle in her satchel and walked towards Ravena. The knight nodded in acknowledgement of her presence when she came near, and Johanna returned it.

“Good morning, my lady.” She greeted. “Is there something I can help with?”

“I don’t think so, you should be ready to part soon. We’re just waiting for the princess.”

As if she’d been summoned by her mention, Johanna heard Knight Ahlberg saluting princess Maven as soon as she turned her eyes away from Ravena. Johanna had to contain her surprise when she realized that the princess wasn’t alone, but rather accompanied by Lady Hilda and both of her parents.

The king was a tall man, strong jawed yet gentle looking at the same time. His hair was as dark as his daughter’s, and his eyes were kind and resolute despite the illness that had struck him. Though now he walked with a cane, hunched over it and with a slow pace, he looked like he had been fierce a long time ago. The queen, on the other hand, wore a veil the same way the princess did. Her features were sharp, and there was something about her that spoke of her intelligence, like an aura of cunning. The two of them had their arms intertwined, and Hilda was holding the princess’s hand.

“Promise us you’ll send a letter when you arrive there.” They heard the king say.

“Yes, and tell us all about it! I heard Freith has the most beautiful lakes!”

Kneeling down to tap Hilda’s nose playfully, Maven smiled at her ward. 

“If I happen to pass by one of them in the way, I’ll make sure to describe it to you, Hildie.”

The family members each hugged the parting princess, whishing her good luck and safe travels. After that, they walked back inside the castle, and the princess turned her attention to Knight Ravena.

“Good morning, soldiers.” Both Johanna and Ravena bowed when Maven approached them. 

She wasn’t quite wearing a dress that day, her purple skirt was open at the front in a way that allowed for a lot more movement, and under it she was wearing dark grey pants and elegant leather boots. The jacket she was wearing had a light grey tone that contrasted with the darker one of her veil. Her clothing that day was clearly meant to be practical and comfortable rather than ornamental, and Johanna realized that the strong presence she always had wasn’t due to fancy attires at all. She’d look grand even in the most meager of clothings.

“Good morning, Highness. The soldiers are at ready, waiting for your orders.”

“If that’s the case, we’ll part immediately.”

Maven walked away to her carriage, where a servant opened the door for her, but not before giving Johanna a passing smile which left her disoriented for a split second. Before she could return it, the princess was already at the carriage, and Johanna thought that was probably for the best. She must have looked like an excited fool at that moment, anyway.

“Your places have already been decided.” Ravena pointed at the carriage. “The knights will go on their steeds. The princess’s guard was split between sitting with the coach and at the back, watching for any attacks from the rear. You and a warrior from your flock will stay by the sides, in those benches just by the doors. Can you see it?”

She could. They were like small shelves protruding from the carriage, near the windows. having only seen them being used by servants, usually when their lord was attending some sort of social event, Johanna was confused to discover that soldiers would be on them that day. Though she supposed it made sense, since the coach’s bench and the back bench were already full, and using more horses would call too much attention.

“Soldiers, I trust you all to keep Her Highness safe. Stay alert, don’t forget the type of danger you might face, and all will be well. Good travels, and until we meet again.”

After this one last advice to all the soldiers, Ravena excused herself and walked back inside, each one of them taking their designated spot when she did so.

As she sat down, Johanna realized that she could view inside the carriage through the window, but only the empty side. The princess’s window was too close for her to look into unless she actively tried to do so, which, she reminded herself, she had no business doing. It did strike her as curious that the seat she could see was empty, though, considering most nobles took at least one servant with them to their travels. It could be that the princess didn’t have that habit, or it could be another measure to maintain the secrecy of that mission.

That same secrecy was the reason why, instead of heading to the main gates, the group was now going in the opposite direction, to the back of the castle where a smaller opening in the walls would allow them out to a road where they wouldn’t have to pass by the capitol. They had barely been out on the road when the carriage’s window opened, the glass barely missing Johanna’s nose as it slid sideways.

“There you are.” Said Maven, poking her head out of the window to look at the guard. Johanna gasped, not having expected the princess to talk directly to her.

“Don’t worry, even if we pass by anyone they won’t notice me.” The princess assured, but didn’t elaborate. Still confused as to why she was being talked to, but not at all displeased, Johanna felt her tongue sticking to the roof of her mouth. She had no idea of what she was supposed to say, so she was even more grateful when Maven spoke again.

“I wanted to thank you for your gift, miss Johanna. Truly, it is gorgeous.”

Smiling nervously, Johanna tucked a strand of hair that had escaped her short ponytail behind her ear.

“It makes me very pleased to hear this, Your Highness.” 

“However, I also wanted to apologize. It seems my ward has played a trick on you.”

Suddenly, those words turned Johanna’s blood into ice. Both the apology and the mention of the princess’s ward spoke of problems ahead. Her worry must have been clear on her face, because Maven’s eyes became sympathetic as soon as she noticed it.

“I was informed that she told you that giving me a token would soften me towards you. It feels necessary to tell you she made that up. Though I did very much appreciate your gift, you are here because of your skill alone and I didn’t want you thinking otherwise.”

The instant blush on Johanna’s cheeks had nothing to do with the rising sun, and she did her best to hide her mortifiement as it grew.

“Why- why would she do that?” Johanna asked and cringed when her voice came out like a squeak. Since she was looking everywhere but at the princess, it escaped her notice when Maven, too, blushed momentaneously as she remembered Hilda’s justification. Her protégée’s aspirations as a cupid didn’t sound like a good thing to reveal.

“She thinks she’s amusing.”

Johanna sighed. “Thank you for telling me, Highness. And forgive me for the… misunderstanding.”

Frowning at the look of defeat in the guard’s face, Maven had to stop herself from reaching out to touch her hand. “Not at all. Truly, there’s no problem.”

Able to do nothing else but smiling shyly at her with gratefulness, Johanna went back to paying attention to the road around them as the princess closed her window. She wasn’t sure if the mishap had been good, since she’d just found out she’d made it into this group through merit alone, or bad, since the princess probably now thought she was an opportunist viper. But one thing was certain. The whole situation was extremely embarrassing, and Johanna knew she’d spend the rest of her day trying to push it out of her mind.

_#_#_#_

They stopped twice during their journey, one time for them to eat and another to stretch their legs. On both occasions, the princess had kept to herself, strolling around the carriage, paying a special attention to the flowers and herbs she saw by the edge of the road. As it told her that the princess must have been made uncomfortable by her presence, there was a part of Johanna’s mind that she forced herself to silence. It was well known that though eloquent, princess Maven didn’t tend to be very talkative, and it would be arrogant of her to assume that that behaviour had anything to do with her at all.

While they traveled, the few wagons and riders that passed by them stared curiously for as long as they could, but soon became intimidated by the number of soldiers guarding the carriage. That was the only job they had as they rode forward, to look imposing enough that no one thought of bothering them.

Tension only arose when the coach informed them that they had crossed the borders, and were now in Silske, a neighboring kingdom they had to cross on their way. The sun was lowering in the horizon, and a member of the princess’s guard, who had been put in charge of the group, informed them that they would soon stop for the night and put up camp. That was only a few minutes before disaster struck.

Their attention was caught by the caravan when it became clear that they were riding their way much too fast. The torches some of the hooded men were carrying made them stand out in the approaching darkness and they were all mounted upon strong and swift horses. A howl in a language Johanna didn’t recognize echoed from them, like a battle cry.

“Lower your pace or we will attack!” Shouted one of their knights. When there was no answer, and the strange group kept advancing towards them on the road, another knight yelled a sentence that Johanna was certain was in that same language as their chant.

It didn’t stop them. Rather than take a more pacific stance, one of the hooded men shot an arrow which hit the shoulder of a horse, the one belonging to the knight that had talked to them in their language, making her fall to the ground and startling her horse. The steed then ran away even as it bled, straying from the road.

All the soldiers drew out their swords. Those who were mounted started galloping in the caravan’s direction, soon engaging in a battle with the men at the front of their group. 

Johanna and the other guard that had been chosen from her flock climbed to the top of the carriage, where the weapons were. One of the knights had raised their hand, and Johanna threw them a spear, which they quickly used to take down their opponent.

The two soldiers that had been riding with the coach unsheathed their swords and advanced towards the battle, and Johanna and her peer gave maces to those who had been riding at the back. After that, he grabbed an axe and hopped down to the ground.

“No!” Johanna shouted at him. “You’re just going to crowd the battle front, we’ll be of more use if we shoot at them from here!”

Either he didn’t hear her, or he disagreed, because he lunged forward and joined the cluster. Clanking of metal rang loudly, but not as loud as the blood rushing through Johanna’s veins as she picked up a longbow herself. Kneeling down, it was agony to try to focus with the cries of battle and the beating of her heart in her head stealing her concentration. She was far more apt to join them than she was to be there. Spears and swords came to her like second nature after years of training, but she knew they were outnumbered, and if someone didn’t stop the hooded men that were in the back of their group, they’d simply keep coming even after the soldiers’s strengths were gone.

She took a deep breath and shot her first arrow. It hit the hand of a soldier who had been about to strike one of their knights. She had always been nauseous at the thought of murder, one of the main reasons she’d chosen to be a guard rather than a warrior, but with the princess’s safety at risk, that was no time to think about morals. Her arrows were shot at the fastest rhythm she could, without a mind to whether or not the blow they gave would be fatal.

With her newfound role in that battle, the enemy’s attention was drawn to her, and so were their attacks. A feeling of vertigo washed over her as she dodged enemy projectiles as well as shot arrows of her own, all the while watching her companions fall to the ground. 

An arrow hit her armor, nearly breaking through it. She gasped, watching as it fell in the ground beside her, and when she took her attention back to the battle, the last knight had fallen to the floor. Her body froze in horror, even though she curiously couldn’t see any blood flowing from the body of her fallen peers, but she forced her mind to work. If the only thing between these savage warriors and the princess was her, then she’d fight until her last breath.

Among the weapons that remained on top of the carriage, there was a staff, covered in metal and with spikes on its tips. After picking it up, she jumped down to the floor, landing with a clank of her armour. Her focus was in the fight ahead of her, so much that she didn’t notice that the princess, who had opened her window and was looking at the battle, didn’t look terrified as much as she looked mildly concerned.

“Your Highness, have the coach unharness one of the horses so you can escape. I’ll hold them back for as long as I can.”

She didn’t run ahead to meet them, but rather stopped just a step in front of the horses and waited for their attacks. One of the riders quickly engaged her in a fight, and she received no other attacks since his body blocked his companions from going for her. With a lot of strength, she didn’t bulge when his sword hit her staff, and when he lifted it again to try and strike her hands or head, she twirled her weapon, making him fall to the ground.

Hurriedly, she climbed into his horse herself, gaining the leverage to strike the men nearby with the sharp tips of her weapon. They were many, but overall with very little protection, which gave her momentary advantage.

One person could only do so much, however, because with their full force focused on combating her, it didn’t take long for an arrow to scrape her temple, causing pain to explode in her head. One man with a slingshot shot a rock at her, which cut open the skin of her forehead and made blood drip down her face, blinding her when it ran over her eyes.

Disoriented, there was nothing for her to do as her staff was taken forcefully from her hands and used to hit the side of her head, making her vision no longer red, but black as the saddle seemed to slip under her and the ground got closer.

_#_#_#_

She came to her senses with pounding in her head, which was unexpected. She’d thought there would be no pain in the afterlife. Surrounded by white and lying in something comfortable, everything else told her that she was, indeed, dead.

Until she heard chanting from the outside, that is. She lifted her torso up, coming to a sitting position. The whisper she was hearing sounded like complete nonsense, and she couldn’t even recognize it as a language like she had the cry of the hooded men. Johanna ran a hand through her hair, pausing with her finger still on her locks when she realized something was wrong.

Her cuts weren’t hurting. She touched the spots where she’d been hurt, noticing there weren’t even scars left. Getting more confused by the second, Johanna blinked several times and brought her palms to her eye sockets. When she looked around again, her mind was more willing to agree that the white around her looked more like cloth than heavenly light, and she raised her arm to touch it, coming to the conclusion that she was in a tent. 

Shakingly, she got up. Already having no idea of how she wasn’t dead, she was certain they hadn’t won their encounter with the hooded men. There hadn’t seemed to be anyone guarding her, so Johanna planned on sneaking out to find the princess, and hopefully taking her to safety again, even though she didn’t think she was in condition to help anyone.

She opened the tent flaps just enough to look outside, covering her mouth to stifle a gasp when she saw the hooded men, lying on the floor and clearly unawaken. There were two other tents outside, smaller than the one she was in and with no light coming from inside them. That was the moment when she realized that there _was_ light coming from her tent, and she looked behind herself to notice that not only were there lit lamps in it, but also two straw mattresses, one of which she’d been lying on, and a travel bag. On the other mattress, there was a piece of light grey cloth.

There were no weapons around that she could see, so even though it didn’t feel quite like a wise decision, she stepped out into the night, her fists clenched in front of her to try and defend herself should any attack come.

None came. Johanna’s eyes caught no movement around, and as she paid more attention, she noticed that probably all of the enemy caravan was on the floor, piled up together. As she tried to step closer to them to get a hint of what had happened, her hand crossed a barrier she hadn’t seen, like a giant bubble surrounding the tent. Ripples surrounded the spot her hand had passed through, and she retrieved it quickly as she watched a purple light travel from the ripples all the way to the top of the bubble, and then fall down behind the tent.

Not being sure of what could happen if she completely crossed the barrier, Johanna tip toed in the direction the light came from. With the pounding in her head beginning to soothe, she came to the realization that she wasn’t wearing her armour. She had been stripped and left only with her pants and tunic, even able to feel the grass on her bare feet. Her hair had also been put down.

After sneaking around the tent, she stopped and took a deep breath, readying herself to whatever she would see next. The effort was futile, what she saw when she looked at where the light cascaded down made her gasp loudly before she even could bring her hands to her mouth. 

It was the princess. The chant Johanna had been hearing had been coming from her, and the light wasn’t going _to_ her like she’d thought, but rather it had been coming _from_ her. She wasn’t wearing her veil, and for the first time Johanna could see that her hair was shoulder lengthed and that it was _purple_. Though she’d been chanting with her eyes closed and her palms turned upwards before, she stopped her spell casting and turned to the guard when she heard the gasp, the corners of her mouth lifting when she saw who it was.

“I’d thought you’d be one of the last ones to wake up, but I’m glad you’re back first.” 

“You- you are-“ Johanna stuttered, lacking words to even formulate a proper sentence. Rather than look worried or angry, the princess raised her hand to her, showing she had nothing to worry about.

“A witch, yes. And _you_ look like you shouldn’t be on your feet yet. I was just casting a protection over us, let me take you back to bed.”

Ignoring Johanna’s bafflement completely, Maven put an arm across her back, her fingers on her waist, and held her left hand with her right one, in a way that Johanna could lean on her for support.

“I don’t understand…” Staring at the princess’s face, Johanna tried to fit the information she had together. “Wow are we even alive?”

“I enchanted your armours before we parted. No blow can strike through them. The rest of the guard had also just fainted, and I healed your wounds. You’ll be fine.”

Johanna breathed a sigh of relief. In the heat of battle, she hadn’t had the time to grieve for the lost soldiers, and now it was a blessing to know there would be no need to either. It was also a relief to know that there was a plausible explanation to her injuries being suddenly gone.

Well, she thought, the Princess Regent knowing witchcraft could hardly be considered a plausible explanation, but she was taking her victories where she could.

“Thank you, Your Highness. And… the enemies?”

“They seemed to me like a group of bandits, nothing more than that.” She answered, giving a sideways glance to the place where they had fallen after she’d made them fall into a temporary coma. The apprehension that these could have been Cirillanian separatists had been strong in her mind while they had been fighting her soldiers. “I took care of them. They’re alive, of course, but they’ll remember nothing when they wake up.”

Had she been in a better state of mind, Johanna would have been embarrassed that the person she was supposed to have protected had ended up saving them all, but it was impossible in that moment not to be grateful. She surrendered her movements to the princess’s leading, letting her guide her to sit down at the straw mattress on the floor.

Maven sat down on the mattress in front of her, folding the cloth that Johanna had seen earlier, which she now recognized was Maven’s veil. It didn’t escape her notice that she was the only guard in the princess’s tent.

As she leaned forward to undo the laces of her boots, Maven’s hair fell over her shoulders. It was no longer all purple now that she wasn’t doing magic. Only the tips were colourful, and the rest of it had become the same dark black as her bangs, like the king’s hair. She’d taken out her riding jacket, her long sleeved chemise leaving part of her collarbones to view. Johanna knew she had no right to stare, but to her tired mind it felt like a gigantic effort to avert her gaze. It wasn’t like the princess was telling her to do so, anyway, and she knew the princess noticed her looking. Johanna was willing to bet Maven had noticed every emotion that had crossed her heart ever since she’d first set her eyes on her.

In the soft light of the candles that burned inside the lamps, and with no veil hiding her true self, Johanna thought that the princess looked more beautiful than she’d ever seen her look. It felt like she’d put her guard down. Like all the forced gracefulness had fallen from her, leaving only the enchanting aura that she had naturally. She looked like the sort of woman people wrote love poems about. 

_I’d try to protect the princess no more than I’d gift a poet with a rhyme._

“Ravena.” Johanna whispered, about the same time as Maven kneeled by the side of her matress. “Ravena knows about you, doesn’t she?”

Nodding, the princess put her hands on Johanna’s shoulders, pushing her gently so she leaned back to lie down. The guard complied, and Maven didn’t retrieve her hands immediately, even after Johanna was lying against the mattress.

“She does. The story of how she became a knight is an interesting one, to say the least. But she earned our faith enough that we entrust her with this secret.”

Johanna stared at the top of the tent, her eyebrows squeezing together as her brain worked. It made sense to her now why Ravena thought the Princess’s guard was a dull job. The woman didn’t need a guard to begin with.

“You ward is too, isn’t she?” Johanna asked. Maven had sat back on her mattress, and was watching her with a pensive expression. “A witch as well.”

“She is. Was it her hair that gave it away?”

Johanna nodded.

“I knew someone would catch up eventually.” Maven chuckled, running her finger through her own hair. “She doesn’t like the idea of wearing a veil, and I don’t feel comfortable forcing it on her just to hide. It’s not really noticeable unless we were doing magic recently, only if you look at it for too long, or pay too much attention. Hilda usually doesn’t remain in the same place long enough for people to notice it. She’s got a lot of energy, that girl.”

“Is that how you do it?” Johanna began, not really thinking about whether or not she should be asking this. “How you rule so well? I remember when there was a food shortage in the eastern plantations... people would say your orders worked like magic. The kingdom is flourishing way more than anyone would have expected. Is it because of your magic?”

Biting back a smile, Maven shook her head in denying. “Not at all. Magic can achieve many things, but most of them can be more easily reached through intelligence. The eastern crops were dying because they’d been planting the same products on their land for decades. The soil had run out of nutrients, naturally. I simply ordered that they rotated the plots of land after every harvest, in a way that every plot had at least a season of rest and that they alternated their production. It didn’t take anything out of normal. But I’m flattered you think I’m doing a good rule.”

Johanna sighed, impressed. She’d thought maybe witchcraft explained why the princess was so unreasonably _perfect_ , but it seemed that she was simply like that. At least it meant she hadn’t spent weeks infatuated with a person that didn’t really exist.

Letting her eyes stray back to Maven, it made Johanna somewhat worried to see how intensely she was looking at her. There was a small frown between her eyebrows, and she was biting her bottom lip. She was about to suggest the princess went to sleep, for she should probably be tired after a day in the road and their encounter with bandits, when she spoke first.

“I can’t let this get out.” Maven muttered, sounding hopeful and regretful at the same time. “The people might not care about what I am, but neighboring monarchs certainly would not want a witch in the throne of a large kingdom. This is why I erased the bandit’s memories, and why I gave the soldiers new ones, memories of victory. I’m not ashamed of what I am, not at all, but there are reasons why I cannot let this get away.”

Obediently, Johanna nodded. She hadn’t had time, in the few minutes that had passed between discovering that the princess was a witch and the present moment, to wonder about what Maven would do to her. Since it hadn’t seemed like she’d been angry at her discovery, it hadn’t bothered her. But as she put it that way, it was clear to her that she would need to forget, and it didn’t worry her. She grieved for the bit of proximity with the princess that she would lose, but her reasons were all good, and to have memories of a victory in her first real conflict was no punishment, even if a lie wasn’t what she wanted to live with.

Maven’s frown deepened with the soldiers’s reaction. Resignation wasn’t what she’d been expecting, especially since that plan didn’t even please herself.

“But I don’t want to make you forget.” She continued. “I like you, Johanna. You are very special. Can’t tell why I know so yet, but I do. I need you to help me, though. I want to let you have this information, but I need to know I can count on you.”

Johanna blinked, feeling her heartbeat pick up pace. As she stared right into the princess’s eyes, she wondered if perhaps she was dreaming, and would wake up to find that their carriage was still going to part. It took her a while to find her voice, nervous and unsure of how to answer, and it was during those moments that she saw the princess look less than completely calm, probably for the first time.

“Your Highness, that’s exactly why I am here.” Feeling her cheeks heating up, she focused on the princess’s question, knowing that if she dwelled on anything else Maven had said, she’d be rendered incapable of coherent speech. “If I am a guard, it’s because of my loyalty to your family, and if I wanted so much to come to this mission… it’s because of my loyalty to you. I don’t want to forget either, but I would have complied if that had been your choice. Still, you’re giving me that option when you really didn’t have to, and that only makes me look up to you more. I chose to dedicate my life to serving you. Keeping a secret is hardly a challenge.”

Afraid she’d said too much, Johanna looked at the floor instead of Maven’s face. She didn’t hear it when the princess’s lips parted slightly with a discreet gasp. When the guard put it that way, Maven supposed it hadn’t been foolish of her to even doubt whether or not she’d keep her secret. Obviously, she knew that regardless of who she’d asked that question to, the answer would have been a positive one, but she could read people well enough to know Johanna was telling the absolute truth. And it felt silly, now that she thought of it, to wonder if the person who had ran to an enemy army, ridiculously outnumbered and holding nothing but a weapon just to give her a chance of escape would give her the most mundane sort of help.

A weird feeling settled on Maven’s chest, like her heart was being squeezed. In the short years during which she’d reigned, she’d had the loyalty of many people. Soldiers, nobles, and peasants alike, the way she guided the kingdom had made it so she had a large number of admirers. That admiration was, for the most part, skin deep, and whenever she found someone who was willing to care about her for more than just her crown, she valued that infinitely. It was easy to tell that with Johanna, this is what had happened. Just like with Hilda and Ravena, the guard recognized that there was a woman behind the princess, and cared for her just as much. She wouldn’t have accepted her being a witch so easily if that wasn’t the case, if she only had a mind for the idealized version of Maven in her head.

It was the first time, however, that after such a short one in someone’s presence, Maven felt a matching devotion for them. The way the guard had looked at her in the welcoming, how she’d gone out of her way just to serve her in this mission, how her deep brown eyes looked so warm when she talked to her and the feeling of being transported to a bright summer day when Johanna spoke… Maven knew her devotion for her was greater than she could have anticipated.

Her ward had been right about her. Love was not at all far away.

“Thank you. It’s an honour to know you’re on my side.”

Their eyes met. It was just like that one instant on the first time they met. Their surroundings seemed to melt away, any worries or future plans becoming secondary on their minds. The preoccupation fell from Johanna’s face as she listened to her words, and she smiled, filling Maven with a gentle, light sensation.

“The honour is all mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, the end is kind of cryptic, but come on you all know these dorks get together in the end
> 
> ... okay, I may already have the idea for two (yes, 2, I don’t know how this happened either. First this was just going to be a post suggesting this trope, then a one shot, then this, and now I have plans for 2) sequels. But, as there are things I want to write before season 2 comes out and smashes my headcanons, it will probably take a while
> 
> (My poor AUs... they’re being left behind for the fics I want to write because you know. Since they’re AUs canon can’t hurt them. @my BatB fic: Im sorry sweetie I’m going to work on you... eventually)

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know if it was clear enough, but Knight Ravena is supposed to be the Raven Leader from the sparrow scouts! I wasn’t in the mood of giving her a proper name 😅  
> Do I know Erik Ahlberg’s personality? I haven’t read the the Hilda comics so no. Will that stop me from giving him one based on the concept art we got for him? Nope, so here he is!  
> Another thing, Johanna’s “roommate” is supposed to be that evil pretty hunter lady that was trying to catch the Black Hound. She’s not very important but. I just wanted you to know how to picture her


End file.
